Random thoughts crossing feverish head

It is 1am in the morning.. And as seldom happens I’m wide awake.Have been bedridden for wholeday due to fever(will it ever leave me??:|)though mentally and physically exhausted I’m just as awake as the owl who hoots at night.
Reflecting back to the years I’ve spent on this beautiful planet earth I find myself inefficacious.I ask myself why am I still alive?Do I have some purpose to be still breathing ??hopefully i do.Questions about life come flooding into my mind and answers I have none.Life at times seems purposeless.

I’m sure nobody wants to live just to pay bill and die.We all have our aims and goals which we strive every hour to achieve it,well,yea ofcourse we are deviated from it at times or maybe frequently but then ultimately we do reach to where we are destined to be.
Right now I’m in my 3rd year MBBS course yet at times I ask myself am I really meant for this?.These feelings do come to me from time to time not that because I hate the job that I will be doing years after my college gets over but because I don’t find myself competing with the mass of other medical students.
As a child I have always been inclined towards helping and treating people as possibly as I could but now I fear I may not be able to handle it(the burden of competition in medical field as I feel is too much at times).Now I’m not saying that I want to leave this course,I actually have a full on dream of becoming a successful oncologist one day.These petty doubts will always be in my mind but they ain’t big enough to move me from what I have always intended to do (that is to atleast see a smile of relieve in the wounded and diseased).
Talking about future aspects most of us are quite clear about our dream and how we are going to fulfill it.Yes!! we have our own sets of doubt and dilemma but we have to be sure we don’t dwell in that negative vibes for long,as the famous saying goes”what you think you become” let’s follow that and expect for the best and yet again get prepared for the worst outcome.I know its not as easy as said,but we can atleast try.Do what we can do best mentally and physically and not regret about it.I am a great believer that regret is the worst thing a person can ever feel.So whatever I do I make sure I do not regret later.
Okay so its already past 2 am and my tiny brain is crying for some rest .So wrapping it up as quickly as possible.Sayonara